Hey team, thanks for the feedback. It’s interesting to notice that a lot of you have similar things you see. I appreciate you sharing that perspective and broadening my awareness.
I’m scared I won’t be able to qualify with surgery coming up and recovery. I’m full of fear. I’m scared of committing fully because it will be embarrassing when I don’t qualify. I feel so much resistance at a subconscious level. I’ve been relating to getting hired as painful. I’d really like to have more fun and joy and connection in my life. I did a sample session with someone today and we talked about bringing play everywhere she goes as a way to integrate dif aspects of her life. Her being completely shifted at the end of the call. She was giggle, light and excited. It was a great feeling. She has no intention of hiring me. I’m proud of myself for trying something different and asking her if she’s willing to be coached around objections to hiring me at the top of the call. She said no, she’s not willing. Womp. At least I was clear on what I was getting into.
This is further than I’ve gone in the past. I took some notes for myself to take into my next session I have scheduled on Sunday with someone Sabrina referred to me. Thanks Sabs! I notice I backed way up when she said she wasn’t open to coaching objections. For that reason, I never got clear on what the objection was. The next session I have scheduled, homeboy already said he doesn’t have money to hire me and I was like we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But I’m def fishing in a shallow pool. Where I’m struggling is how to keep in integrity with my spirituality AND sustain myself financially. I want to join some buddhist community where they feed me and let me stay there in exchange for spiritual practice. I know this desire is fear based. I feel resigned to the game of making money, even after talking about handling money objections with Melanie the other day. I’m so stuck.
I need help deciding structures to help smooth out the roller coaster. I’ve been getting bummed when my power hours are just me staring at my own face on Zoom. I’m happy when people come, but more often than not it’s just me by myself. I ran late to host my own workshop. I was printing stuff off at the library and finishing up my notes and such and then rushed over. Even the day of I was productively procrastinating by focusing on client game. Somehow I pulled it off. I need that push though. AND the push and dramatic stretch across the finish line is fueling the roller coaster. What I’d really like is for someone to hold my hand through the discomfort. I’d really like someone to come on the zoom calls and hold me to doing what I say from a place of compassion. I’m not reliable on my own. My zoom calls are 11am-12pm weekdays. I’m open to doing them other times if that means I’m not alone on the calls. Who can support me on zoom?