Good morning team,
I am writing this as I sit in discomfort not knowing how today will go. Last week resulted in me having Lillian stay home from school Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday she was at school reluctantly and Thursday and Friday were a breeze. this has been the cycle all year. I have been really struggling with taking on the responsibility for Lillians behavior, how am I being with her. I have been hearing the coaching mind tell me there is something in my being that is creating this in her. Then I go back to blaming her mom for the years of poor behavior Lillian has been through. Last night I asked Lillian to get her bag ready for school and pick out some clothes and the trigger point for the cycle began. so I backed off to see what would happen and here I sit with my plans for at least the morning up in the air. I am questioning if me staying in the program is something I want right now. I know what it means for me and what I will get out of it and I have been coming around again and again to engage with coaching and the work know to do to get qualified. I feel like I am so close and yet I am willing to walk away. I went to church the last two Sundays and was so confronted each time. What I am left with from those experiences is my breakthrough in trust. I don’t trust myself. and from there how can I trust anyone. I am not a demand for me to get my needs met all over my life. Here has been no exception. I am going to take this week on and trust it will all work out for the best. Wether I get hired or not it will all be ok. Wether I stay on as a part of this team or not I trust I will find my way into being the best dad and human I can be. Until then I will be at cause for completion. Jeff, Nichole, Tiffany, you are getting a text from me to schedule completion. Who else wants to get on the diet with me. I am at your service as well.