Soooo – I almost just texted a few of you this. Then I almost just put it on GroupMe – but here’s what.
My BEING, my being well, my being leader, my being for this team and all the lives I say I stand for requires me to be up to what I’m taking on with Jeremy, and I want this team around me to hold space. I have the vision of you each bending down with clasped hands for me to step into and as you stand up I am elevated. I see that for each of us.
Jeremy and I go in and out of breakdown. Our SMs show up to each other and our relationship SM shows up to run the show A LOT. Our circumstances have been juicy for sure over the past five years, but we have almost 15 years of loving each other behind us and, are totally up for stepping into our full potential as a couple – and we are scared.
So “this” is an invitation I sent to Jeremy while he’s at his yoga teacher training right now. I got Grandma to come over and pick up Eloise so we can actually have an evening alone together, and I’m going to spend the two hours Em is napping this afternoon to set up the house all Christmassy and set the table for a grown -up dinner and gather the dinner recipe.
I feel sort of embarrassed sharing that it feels like a big deal to me that I would be making the effort and time to create this evening for us ’cause isn’t that what people do? And setting up the logistics aren’t a big deal – but who I’m being about it is. I actually want this. And I haven’t acted like it in awhile. I’ve been caught up in moving to Rochester and carrying tiny humans in my body, and birthing them, and nursing them, and raising them (x2), and I need to remind myself and us all that that IS a BFD hormonally and structurally to a woman’s foundation (there’s a leader project in here somewhere for parents and leadership…) and traveling, and building a business, and AC….and you know…but it’s not such a BFD that it would have to crowd out my commitment to my husband – my co-creator……but it’s one of the first places I “quit” when it gets hard. So when I get this breakthrough it will show.
I don’t know if he’ll say yes to my invitation – I sent it 2 hours ago and I’m nervous…. like really say yes. He might say yes and sit down at the table, he might say yes with his words and no with his heart. I don’t know. And I’m gonna show up fully anyway. What I believe in my heart is that Jeremy and I embody souls that will continue evolving as long as they keep saying yes.