Reply To: I'm Struggling

#230609
 Sabrina Pratt
Participant

Hi Team- thank you for your powerful and loving responses.

As I acknowledged this morning on production- I have ontological BO right now. I am stinky. I am being very self-righteous about my stink and am sitting in it. I’m having a tantrum over here and then dressing it up so I can show up powerfully as leader in other parts of my life and then throwing a shit-fit in front of you all. (normally I would throw the shit fit alone and then just be a crabby bitch to you all and other people so I am genuinely trying something different by being public about it and sharing out loud to you all).

My SM doesn’t really allow the loving stuff to get through and the stay on the inside. I kept reading and re-reading your responses. Some of it got in yesterday afternoon and I allowed myself to cry but then the walls went right back up. The only thing that has super stuck with me is Jeff saying, “I don’t have time for this- she should just quit.” And that’s what my SM has been slamming me with on repeat. Even in my sleep- I even had a dream about it in my sleep. I have shame over the “here we go again with the 180” and I’m like, “I’m trying!” but I don’t actually know if I am. I might just be indulging myself. I am trying to reason with my SM and it’s making it even worse 🙁 Dang it! I’m stuck. I’m caught. Argh!

Please help me!

To answer Jeff’s question- by when will I get complete and with whom. I actually see an opportunity to create some completion via group conversation and I would like to be supported by you, Team. I see a lot of opportunity for all of us there. Team, who would be willing to support with a group conversation tomorrow morning (Wednesday morning) before 11am PST? My request is for more than one person on a call with me- my SM is a biter and she gets bitey 1:1 so 2:1 or 3:1 would be ideal. Who is available? 

I actually do need some direct responses to some of my inquiries, too. The ambiguity and confusion is actually giving me places to get stuck. I am happy to have those conversations via phone, too. Again- would prefer more than 1:1 right now, based on the spikiness of my ole sm.

Team, what do you see for me to bring at this time so as to be a clear demand for the support that I need? 

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