11 months, 3 weeks ago #235332Sabrina PrattParticipant
I just had my coaching call with Lesa. She started the call complaining and back in her disempowered space. I spoke very boldly with her, reflected the same thing over and over, stood my ground as coach and for her greatness despite all of her very loud arguments that declarations are delusional and it’s impossible, etc. etc. She is taken out almost immediately by “all things AC” and especially by “any payment or money stuff.” We did reach a cool space in the call where she was like, “I am so frustrated.” And I was like, “Me Too! I don’t know how to support you- you get taken out by me reminding you that you are awesome and I refuse to agree with you that what you want is impossible. You seem intent on showing up week after week and complaining, which is exactly what you said you had done enough of in life and didn’t want to do anymore. So, where do we go from here?”
We ended up creating a plan which includes a call with me on Monday to work out the details for her to create money. Lesa took on:
-resurrecting her “Your Girl Friday” business by Sunday
-creating the money to pay off AC (she said it won’t be by May 1 and I continue to stand that it will be done by 5/8/20)
-She is going advertise to her network, online and get herself in action to create the money
At the end of the call I asked what was valuable and she said, “Well, the money conversation is actually palatable now. I can actually see how it can be done and why it’s good for me so that’s a huge shift from where I was 30mins. ago.”
Lesa really trusts me and trusts our partnership. She acknowledged this at the end of the call and it brought tears to my eyes.
I just went right in today, no holds barred. At one point she was like, “I’m not playing in/out, I was OUT and then you talked me back IN.” And I was like, “You and I both know that not me or anyone can talk you into something you don’t want to do. And, you weren’t out Lesa. If you were truly decided to be OUT then you would have put in that request to withdraw and you didn’t.” And she was like, “Well, what if I do it today?” And I was like, “Great. I will celebrate you actually making a decision and practicing empowering it.” And then she reiterated the “I wish there was another way!” And I reflected to her that last week the ‘other way’ she’d created was to stay in AC and actually empower the work and not just suffer through it, which probably includes getting it paid off so that money isn’t hanging over her and she can show up for herself more powerfully. Lesa said she doesn’t care if she graduates or not- she does not want to be a coach, does not want to coach people, probably will not submit recorded calls or get a 5. She does not want to any MOPAs, work with her team, etc.
Of course I reflected that Lesa is playing out a familiar drama right now in how she relates to herself, AC, her team and that it is just up under a magnifying glass at the moment. I reflected that AC wasn’t creating those things with in her but that it was all already there and she was just having a look at it very clearly for the first time.
She agreed. She knows. She is just right up against it. I said, “From this place you can either A) do literally anything different than you normally would to create some shift OR B) do what you normally do by continuing to play mostly out/in enough to complain suffer through it and hate it the whole time. ”
So- it was definitely a difficult 60mins. of my life. I feel like I am working really hard with Lesa and I am not sure it is actually doing her a service. Team, what do you see? Do I lean back or stay with it? What do you see from this place?12 months ago #234236Juliana SihParticipant
I am excited for Lesa! I love how all the participants stories keep getting better and better. Wahoo!!
Please let us know what you need and thanks for remembering who the fuck you are!12 months ago #234125Tiffany TurnerParticipant
Man, I’m so present to NOT rescuing Lesa being the most powerful thing we could have done as a team. Thanks for meeting her where she was at Sabs, and partnering with her to have it actually go differently from here.
From what you wrote about grad requirements, I think that hits all the boxes, but to be sure I’d have to check the grad/cert tracker or the affiliate site where the requirements are listed. In service of all leaders being crystal clear on grad/cert requirements will you go check and brush up on the requirements for yourself?12 months ago #234107NicholeParticipant
Thanks for this, Sabrina. I’m so relieved that she has reconnected to herself. One thing you might remind her of is her experience coaching the guest client in the room. She loved that and the feedback she got was so good! I suspect her saying she hates coaching is because it’s something she “has” to do in this program and she doesn’t want anyone telling her what to do. But she actually does like it, unless she was lying about it.
Can’t wait to see what happens next!! Thanks for supporting her, Sabs!!12 months ago #234035Charlie HornParticipant
Sabrina, my goodness, you’re like an ontological superhero, rockstar, magician who has the timing of comedic genius. I literally started busting up out loud over here around Lesa’s dislike of coaching!?
my experience is Lesa is probably going to hold A lot on herself so my only add to all you both have generated (if you haven’t been looking already) is what will Lesa take on to really forgive herself over and over as her SM begins to point out all the stuff she will hold on herself and covertly put onto what is going on around her. How will she practice relationship with her SM? Like T’s tea 🙂12 months ago #234031Sabrina PrattParticipant
Lesa and I had a powerful coaching session this morning AND a powerful completion hour this afternoon. At the end of it all she is back IN, empowered around the work and ready to use this program to truly serve her and support her life.
In our call this morning we distinguished that the breakthrough Lesa is creating in her life is ownership. She is creating a breakthrough in owning her life as her own. Not having to look outside of herself for permission, approval, validation. She said she feels very “fragile” around her decision not to do AC and is not even sure it is what she actually wants. She said she mostly just needed to loudly say she wants out, post publicly on the forum and declare herself out. In order to truly declare herself in again.
My suspicions confirmed! It was truly freaking magickal to be so relaxed and to be so leaned back during our call. I multiple times said, “I truly do not personally care whether you graduate from AC or not. I care about you actually getting what you want.” Once she distinguished that quitting AC wasn’t a break through (but that speaking up, letting her thoughts and needs be known AND then choosing for herself was a breakthrough) the rest of the pieces fell into place. It was so easy to stay out of convincing. It was actually very easy to lean back, trust and allow the magic of the work to work.
I reflected to her that the feeling trapped, up against a nameless beast, like “they” are all out to get you and then quitting when things seem super annoying seems like more of the same thing you have been at for 3+ decades. If you care to try something new then AC can be your personal gym to work out in. You can work out your muscles of making a choice, being bold, practicing the work right here with us right now, surrounded by love. And then I asked how does that sound?
Lesa has felt trapped and stuck. In her words “fucked no matter what.” I reflected that this is more lose/lose that we already know she is a pro at. I did reiterate that logistically speaking she is “on the hook” for basically the whole program financially. Today she said something different about money- she said, “If I had 50K drop into my bank acct. right now I would pay off AC just to get it off my back.” And I asked, “If you had 50K drop into your acct. and paid off AC would you stay, do the work and graduate anyway?” And she was like, “yeah, I guess I would.” So then we were finally in a place for me to coach to her objection to re-enrollment in AC. During that piece of the conversation I said, “Lesa, you know that this is probably going to meet you will have to surrender and let all of this garbage go and actually let AC work for you? Are you willing to do that?” And she was like, “yes, it’s going to suck and I really don’t want to but I also do want my life to be different.”
Lesa is definitely freaked out about the money but she knows she is gonna have to pay either way at this point. So, she saw the sense in just paying the total amount due until the end of program and being done with it. My declaration is that Lesa will be fully paid up by 5/8/20. I am giving some reasonable time for her to obtain a credit card and create the payments.
She said “my breakthroughs aren’t going to look like the ones my team is having and I am ok with that” and I reflected to her that the break through she is creating is a win/win and that she would create that by choosing herself over and over. She distinguished that creating a loving relationship with herself was going to be step #1 in generating this profound shift in her being and out into her life. The practices we designed post-coaching are around Lesa taking on mega completion around everything she is incomplete with- she has 2 supportive buddies for this practice and has already set up accountability. We also designed practices to have Lesa meet herself where she is at, get into relationship with herself and start building some trust back up.
Here are the post-completion highlights:
-I will work with my buddies Lauren & Vicky to get really clear on how I can make this work for me and what I want to create (plan with projects by next coaching session)
-I can see how this shows up everywhere in my life and I am willing to stop and set it down here, I am willing to empower AC to be the the place I practice setting down the resistance
-I can see my stuff more clearly and I get that it has always been there
-I can see that I am exactly where I am supposed to be
-I know I will need to be willing to try and do things very differently and I know that will most likely suck, or feel sucky
-This is my life and I am ready to be in the driver’s seat
-I am taking full responsibility for myself and my choices
-I will make this MY program
She said she could actually see the possibility of her having the life of her dreams for the first time in her whole life. She said she knows there’s a way through it. I pointed out that possibility is “like a candle in the wind” and gave Kerry the credit 🙂 And asked what structures Lesa would put into place to keep the possibility flame alive. She texted her buddies right away to set that up and stay present to it. I also told her to keep in daily touch with me and to reach out for support. I will be in daily touch with her for a moment as it is predictable that her SM flare up and start telling her that I am now trying to make her drink the Kool Aid and that I have worked some mind trick juju on her. In an effort to be a step ahead of her SM I pointed this out to her and was like, “So we both know it is likely that your SM is gonna say this to you and that you may not want to talk to me when it does get loud- will you bring it to me anyway?” She said she would.
Lesa still “hates coaching” (although loves to receive coaching/has enjoyed in person coaching her guest client/professes to be a natural coach to her friends and loved ones so, you know…we will see where this goes) and is resistant to it. After completion tonight she was able to be with the conversation I brought regarding some of the “check points” to hit on the way to graduation. I shared that she would need to turn in recorded calls for review (4), continue to meet with me as her coach (she’s super down for this part), practice coaching guest clients if assigned (not as happy here but willing), score a 5 on her oral exam, pass any written tests, be paid in full.
Just so I can be crystal clear with Lesa are there additional grad requirements that I need to share with her?
Fully down for any and all questions! I had a super back to back call day today and am just now finally finishing up with my day so I will be off grid most of tonight but will reply tomorrow.
All my love;
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.