1 year, 4 months ago #208212
Thanks for the thoughtful replies. I’m glad you got something for yourself in this share, Brittany. Are we humans fascinating subjects?? ?
Thanks for the question about what support I need for feeding my brain and appreciation for strength, coordination, fun, and peace. I guess just reminding me. I notice T is especially good at reminding me what I say I want to focus on. It helps when she reflects things to me, sometimes even mid-convo. I would love to have that all over the place.
Thanks again for reading and sharing your feedback, team.1 year, 4 months ago #208068Brittany CottonParticipant
Wow Nichole. I have said it before and I will say it again, being invited into the inner workings of your life and mind is such a blessing. I can resonate so much with what you were sharing about the way your mom annoys you. For me its my sister. Your writing is so real and captivating I was right back thinking to all the things I think up that annoy me about her- the way she drags the fork against her teeth as she eats, how she makes this incredibly judgmental face if you say anything remotely outside of the way she thinks about it, the way she lays in bed, this gap in her tooth. Its all so horrible (that I think this, not that these things happen). The other day I caught myself, and was like oh my gosh Brittany STOP. This is so ridiculous and mean.
I feel like such a human and not alone by you sharing all of that. So thank you.
Is there any way we can support you in feeding your brain, and appreciations for strength, coordination, fun, and peace?? Or even around food?1 year, 4 months ago #207711Aarti MallyaParticipant
Nichole thanks so much for sharing and being so vulnerable.1 year, 4 months ago #207161Jeff MillerParticipant
Thanks for sharing and being so open Nichole. I always get so much gold reading your posts, watching your videos or having conversations with you. I acknowledge you for being and doing the work around your Mom and your relationship with food. I can relate to a lot of what you experience.1 year, 4 months ago #207159
To be clear, this is not an ongoing appointment that will have me miss reg calls. It was a one-time thing. But that brings up a point about my understanding about reg calls as being elective. I will post about that in another forum post. I wouldn’t have even considered there would be anything to “clean up” around this at all and I notice the mention of it has me triggered. Hmm. Okay, I’ll save that for another thread about my reg overwhelm.1 year, 4 months ago #207126Tiffany TurnerParticipant
Nichole – this is so incredible to read. Thanks for the reminder that there are MANY modalities for awareness and healing, and that it’s up to us to find what works, or what connects us to what we want in life.
While I’m thrilled that you created this experience for yourself, and our team, it keeping you from reg landed as, “This is what I’m doing, and now you know.” I have it that you’re well practiced at being in charge, being the boss, and putting one priority ahead of the other, so I’m not aligned with you doing more of that.
I don’t need anything in terms of clean up, I just want to be clear that I’m standing for you to find a new path to creating It All, in this case, that means Reg AND Hypnotherapy.
What else do you see for Nichole, team?1 year, 4 months ago #206911Charlie HornParticipant
Nichole thanks for sharing all of this. Its so great to be reminded of what you have shared about your childhood and your struggles because I don’t see that or remember that part of you when I see you or are interacting with you. I am always present to the person you are and the judgments you have about yourself aren’t what I experience of you at all. You are kind and caring and leader assertive powerful loving. Now I’m seeing we all do the same thing and we all have our stuff to work on. How cool to be working in the subconscious around something you see as a place of growth. What as the process? Its really cool too that you are able to notice what comes up for you with your mom. She is so lucky to have you and it is so normal to be reactive to our parents. They were the ones to keep us alive and safe and they are the perfect target for our feelings to be focused on whether it is frustration or anger or love.1 year, 4 months ago #206899Juliana SihParticipant
Wow!! That is some real insight. Makes a lot of sense after unraveling it.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Is there any support you need around what you shared? Will there be more sessions?1 year, 4 months ago #206893
Hey team! As I mentioned earlier today, I missed reg call because I decided to set up a hypnotherapy appointment for my emotional eating habits and took an open slot that was available today. I want to share a bit about what is going on with that and the experience I had today.
It’s funny because I’ve never actually referred to it as, or identified it as, “emotional” eating until recently. I’ve always known that I have a weird relationship to food, though. I’ll start there because this is all the stuff that came up in my session today.
Growing up, I think most of you know that we were very poor. To the point that sometimes we didn’t eat. In fact, just a couple days ago my mom was sharing with me how some nights she would lay awake stressed because she didn’t know how she was going to feed us. (And this is where my brain goes, “THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP HAVING CHILDREN?” which is another thing that came up today that I need to stop doing — i.e. being mad at my mom for stuff.) Anyway… Our food was always super basic and usually “gross”, according to a child. We’re talking pinto beans with Saltine crackers as a meal. Plain oatmeal for breakfast. Milk made from a powder. Just… Gross.
When I would go to my friends’ houses, they always had “normal” food. Brand name cereal like Rice Krispies and Lucky Charms. It was seriously foreign to me that people would actually eat that kind of stuff for real. It seemed like something you just saw on television.
As I got older, I realized (or created a story about) how much food played into status. Getting the free lunches at school was putting me into a category of sad/poor/lame kids. When I was in high school, I was working and had my own bank account and my own money. So I would buy my own lunches. I would go to the school store and buy the junk food that everyone else was eating… Chicken strips and potato wedges and Swedish Fish. I wanted people to think I was normal. It was just one of many ways I compensated for feeling less than.
Today in my session my relationship to food brought up a feeling of unworthiness. That is not something I would have thought about. I feel like I’ve worked through all that! But it’s still showing up with food. My ability to buy whatever I want and order Door Dash and let my kids eat whatever they want, is all playing into my need to feel worthy.
And all of this is easily triggered by my mom’s cooking and spending time with my mom. The way that she cooks now is so over the top, and I judge her for it. Like, did you guys notice how elaborate the picnic was? It’s like she doesn’t know how to just “be normal”.
The more I spend time with her, the more she drives me crazy. Lately I’ve been really unfair to her, letting myself be annoyed by everything about her. Her aches and pains, her cooking, the way her mouth looks when she talks, the way her ears look like they’re getting bigger, the way she smells, the way she gets little pools of saliva in the corners of her mouth. All these things make me not want to be close to her.
It’s so mean! And dangerous, and unfair. This all came up today, when I was talking about… Food?! It’s so interesting what’s in our unconscious minds. But it’s because my motivation to be healthy is to not be like my mom. Instead of to be like something. So we created new, conscious and unconscious, ways of thinking about my health and my intentions around my eating habits to create something versus avoid something.
What I created from a conscious standpoint was a deep appreciation for my brain and viewing fueling my body with what it needs as a means to give my brain what it needs. I really, really love my brain and I will do just about anything for it. I also created an appreciation for strength, coordination, fun, and peace. Those are mantras for me to focus on bringing something into my health versus avoiding something. This is a short explanation, but that was the part of the process that I was really “out” for. Like, I don’t remember it all that well because I was asleep. That’s the process of reframing your unconscious mind.
I think that’s mostly it. I am kind of tired so I am noticing that I want to wrap this up. But I’m happy to answer questions or have a conversation about any of this. Thanks for reading. xoxo
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.