LKT and Juliana – my stand

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  • #241731
     Tiffany Turner
    Participant

    Also, I’ve never been so attacked by Juliana. It felt like the first time she was ever mad at me. So I’m calling that a breakthrough.

    #241730
     Tiffany Turner
    Participant

    Hey All – Juliana came over last night and we had such a great time being in direct communication and partnership around our stuff, with each other. What I can see on the other side of that convo with her are a few things – one, I totally fudged on where she was at with her qualification, I thought she was out of qual again and she’s not (though she does need to get hired ASAP to stay qualified). What I got from learning that is that I’ve actually been attached to something from a few months ago when J was out of qualification – that I didn’t see or experience a breakthrough as a result of her 60 days unqualified, and I both didn’t want to lose her from team, but also wasn’t enrolled in her staying in the same place. Because I didn’t bring it then, it squished out now. Can we all practicing bringing what we have for one another, when we have it?

    Another thing I got from last night is that I glossed over something big. My experience is that Juliana is extremely reliable to producing the program, and I’m enrolled in her being a PC, the stuck gap that I’m no longer enrolled in her being stuck in, is around her leadership and LIT declaration. J, I’m sorry I couldn’t see that before my post, and thanks for the partnership to pinpoint exactly where I’m standing for you!

    Then, I got a bunch of gold for me. Juliana shared that my stands often feel attached, and my attachment to those stands make them feel like my SM is coming for you. This is a growth edge for me. I REALLY want to cause leadership. I want to cause results. I want to cause impact. Please support me in this by both sharing when you cannot be with my stands (and why) and what you see for me to do differently to have my stand be powerful for you. J shared that if I really understood what motivated her, she trusts that I could stand from that place more powerfully. Hilariously, I didn’t ask her what motivates her. J, what motivates you?

    Juliana also shared that the time I spend distinguishing thing about other people or team in smaller settings, feels like gossip to her. I want to own that last year, when I set down gossip, I gained access to seeing SO MUCH MORE about people. So it’s no surprise that in private distinguishing sessions, that might feel like gossip. Team, I’m real sorry. It’s not my commitment to gossip, and I haven’t held it this way at all. I hold gossip to be mean, ill intended, hurtful, harmful, or breaking someone’s trust/privacy/confidence. I don’t believe I do that. What I know I do is process out loud. I’ve always been a verbal processor, and I use the safety of these relationships, as well as the consent of this work, to practice distinguishing and seeing things at higher levels. If how I’ve practiced this on our team has felt mean, ill intended, hurtful, harmful, or breaking your trust/privacy/confidence, I’m so so sorry. That has never been my intention, and I really don’t want to leave anyone feeling that way.

    If any of you see ways for me to get my external processing and leadership growth needs met in a different way, will you share them here for me?

    LKT, what I can see on the other side of this convo with Juliana, is that I wasn’t super clear about what has me unenrolled in you being on team any longer. I love you. I really want you on this team. And I’m burned out on what it takes to support you being here. The things that aren’t working about your life, haven’t been working consistently since I got to your life, and I actually see you leaving AC as an access point to having it work. That if you weren’t on our team you’d redirect the cost ($) of playing on this team towards the childcare that you reflect is so needed, that without it, it causes regular breakdowns in your partnership with Jeremy. That by leaving AC, you’d be forced to have breakthroughs in relationship, which I suspect are often unmet in every part of your life, because the need is filled by you asking for it inside of your commitments (AC, BNI, the kids friends parents, etc.), and without us, you’d have to be At Cause to get your relationship needs met in new ways (I really don’t mean for this to be mean, so I’m sorry if it lands as mean: at times you’ve shared with me that you don’t have many friends, maybe now is the time to go create friendship in new ways!).

    Ultimately where I’m at is that I don’t see AC being a structure that supports your business breakthroughs, your money breakthroughs, your marriage breakthroughs, or your parenting breakthroughs. So I don’t get why you’re here. It’s as if you committed, and now it’s too scary to leave, but what if leaving was how you got to have it all? I dunno if it’ll actually go that way, I just want to open the conversation up to consider that, because you’ve been clear with me that you don’t want to do another year of AC from this same place, and based on how it’s going and how it’s gone, that’s what’s predictable. That next year will be like this year, because this year is just like last year. So what’s it going to take to shit or get off the pot?

    #241583
     Tiffany Turner
    Participant

    Thanks for getting mad. It’s good to see that part of you. Even better is that you’re coming over in 3 hours and get to be mad at me in person 🙂

    I’ll look again on my side too, I’m sorry that my reflection didn’t hold space for ground covered. See you at my place, and then see you back here too.

    #241580
     Juliana Sih
    Participant

    Hey T,

    I see where you are pointed and I feel defensive. And I am going to say what I have to say anyway because I am practicing expressing my anger, frustration, (insert non-pleasant feelings).

    I totally get that my client game fluctuates up and down and has been inconsistent. Our first program year, I went from 1 to 5 to 0 to 4. This year I have had a consistent 3 for over a year. I AM stuck in my client game but I also know that just 1 month ago my client game was at 6.

    I don’t agree that I am challenged in the same way to connect with people like I was 18 months ago. That just false and diminishes all the work I’ve done. 18 months ago, I was not on forum sharing, I didn’t bring my voice, I was not brave enough to lead anything, I mostly just in lots of doing.

    I am open to having a conversation around how this structure is working for me and figure out how to expand that, and look at what’s not working and where to go from there.

    I’m will take on my work, do some anger on purpose, get complete and come back later this evening to this thread and update my qualification.

     

    #241575
     Tiffany Turner
    Participant

    LKT and J – I love you both, and I want you both in this work and on this team, and I find myself in a repeat conversation inside your patterns. Y’all, can we declare you’re stuck? The structure of AC doesn’t seem to be moving you forward in your lives or projects, and other than loving this work, I really don’t know why you’re here.

    LKT, you seem overwhelmed in the same ways today, as I knew you to be 18 months ago. J, you seem challenged to connect with people in the same ways now, as I knew you to be 18 months ago.

    I don’t know what to say or do or be to cause something different for each of you, do either of you see something new?

    What I’ve been holding and not saying out loud, is that I’m not enrolled in either of you being on this team any longer, and in this post I open the conversation of putting consequences on the line in service of your lives working.

    J, you were out of qual for 60 days only two months ago, and we’re here again (LKT, I see this for you and your client game/qual too). You technically didn’t qualify inside your 60 day enrollment, and while I’m so glad you got hired on the 61st day, I sometimes wonder if you would have had a client game breakthrough had you not qualified on day 61, and actually had to leave our team.

    LKT, it feels like you lie to us a lot. Not on purpose, to be clear. From the outside, your life continues to be the same messy roller coaster, and while there’s nothing wrong with mess, prolonged endless mess is nowhere in the commitments you’ve shared with this team. I’m also not enrolled in having leadership be prolonged endless messes.

    A few weeks ago Lauren asked me who we tip toe around on team, for me, it’s LKT, Juliana, and Sabrina. We consistently water down our stands, our reflections, and therefore our commitments to you, by tip toeing around your SMs.

    Guys, this isn’t working. How long until it will? What do you declare? And what will you put on the line?

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