1 year ago #233188Tiffany TurnerParticipant
Sounds like a great Aha! Breakthrough incoming!!
I’ll keep an eye out for this and reflect when I hear it! Thanks for sharing and letting us in <31 year ago #233042NicholeParticipant
My coaching request today was to dig into my breakthrough of “Being Ungettable”. I wanted to explore more what that means to me, what it looks like when I’ve had that breakthrough, and how I get it (and how to utilize AC as a resource). There was also an underlying request to suss out how trust plays into it, as I had a feeling that was part of it. Here’s what I got:
A breakthrough in Being Ungettable has me showing up differently in my communication and my being.
• From being ungettable, I will communicate from essence, not survival mechanism
• I will take time to communicate to be sure where I’m coming from in the communication (SM or Essence)
• I will not prematurely clean things up, which often results in slapping more of the bad communication on top of the old communication
My request of team is to reflect to me when you seeing my communication not coming from this commitment.
How you’ll know:
• When I communicate from SM it is defended, pointing to what’s wrong, using words like “should/shouldn’t”, blaming, and complaining.
• When I communicate from essence it is responsible, at cause, looking for what’s working, pointing to gaps without judgement, flat, concise, relating to others as their essence.
And all of this requires TRUST. I have to trust that people can handle their own scandal. I have to stop trying to manage other people’s experiences and trust that whatever experience they are having is perfect. I have to trust myself that things will work out, and I don’t need evidence of them working out in order to be in my being.
• I will practice being with versus tolerating
• Being with people who trigger me without getting taken out
• Staying above the content of conversations and situations
I shared with Juliana how when I practice being ungettable, the experience I am having is that it can be triggering to others. This has me feel that what I’m relating to as calmness is condescending and unauthentic. I believe this is a result of treating calmness as a fix to avoid some other emotion versus an empowered way I’m being. I want to take on a new possibility of being.
Some of the ways I want to be with others when confronted:
• A better listener
• Taking things in but not taking them on
• Not getting hooked by drama
• Not judging thoughts and feelings, and not fighting them either, just allowing them to pass
I expressed that I didn’t want to be a mirror because sometimes that reflective surface (outside of a coaching conversation) can be annoying to people. And I didn’t want to be a sponge that takes everything on. So I asked, “What’s in between a mirror and a sponge,” and then we laughed and laughed. And then we both landed on water. And then what landed even more for me was the idea of a cloud.
It is soft and strong at the same time. It can hold a lot, but it doesn’t take it on. It releases. It can be with the sun and the moon and the day and the night. It is flexible and much like mother nature, unpredictable and perfect at once.
So I am a cloud now. Haha. And my request of team is to reflect to me when I am not being a cloud. I am also taking on a practice of increasing my leadership to get more opportunities to practice being a cloud and more opportunities to get reflections about how I’m showing up.
Thanks for reading all of this! Please share what you see for me and/or what you’re taking for yourself. xoxo
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