My special leadership

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     Jeff Miller

    This is such a great thread and I find myself fighting my “right/wrong” context here. For myself, I hold a lot of reverence for the customer service aspect. And probably am I little on the extreme side of it. I have had several of the participants ask me to go to lunch or play golf with them. I have casually declined. but more so to not create a dual relationship. I would hate to have something I did or said rub someone the wrong way that it impacts their experience as a participant in the program.

    This is a great team conversation and maybe we can bring this up on co-coaching or on a separate training call. I would love to hear what the whole team thinks about this.

     Charlie Horn

    My experience as a participant was very much separate from the leadership team and I see my context had it go that way. I do see how having connection and relationship with participants will have positive and negative consequences. just like everything else. Its all an opportunity to generate from intention. Thanks for the conversation Nichole and T.

    What I see is to keep an eye on higher level positive and negative consequences for the program and generate within the boundaries that may present themselves from the unforeseen. beyond that I am a absolutely to creating something with participants. I am not going to because I don’t trust myself and I haven’t looked at what could be.   I got so much gold from the handful of interactions I had with you all on the leader team last year in the hallways and on break in the room.

    I like the opportunity for the participants to have access to the leader team in service of creating a more unified tribe in SDI. Is there a higher level operating system In AC that takes a look at that and creates something that I don’t know about. sometimes it comes down the chain of command that things are happening and I get that we all don’t need to know everything. Is creating participant access to leader team a structure? If not should it be? What if everyone had an opportunity to have a coaching call with a leader team member? What kind of integration could come from there.

    Or what if every participant had to coach each of the leader team? Would that be too much? I loved getting coached by Andrew last module.

     Tiffany Turner

    Team does anyone else have something here. I can’t tell if Nichole and I are the only ones on team who needed to be in convo around this, or if others see/need/want things that they intend to put in.

    Nichole, I can’t tell if the things I’m present to in our back and forth are my own sensitivities or if I’m connecting to something over there with you. I’m gonna call you to share and listen and work it out <3.


    This is so interesting! One of the things I’m hearing is that you can’t be both teammate and coach to someone. Which is what Juliana and I have been doing all year. There are parts of it that work and some parts of it that admittedly feel limiting. The thing about all of this that is still a little sticky to me is just the lack of communication/team conversation that has us all in alignment. And, I have it that you’re bringing the conversation now which is totally groovy.

    What I see for us to align on is who to be with our participants in a way that provides them with everything they need in order to be successful in this program. If it’s about them, and not about you, what is the goal here? What kind of support would we align on as a team? Thanks again for bringing it. I’m not married to anything and I’m totally open to how it goes. Glad we’re discussing!

     Tiffany Turner

    Thanks for sharing Nichole, let me swing again.

    Last year I withheld myself a lot. This year, I’ve bloomed a lot.

    One of the ways that I’ve bloomed, is bringing the experience of Teammate to participants. I feel like most participants never learn the role of Teammate the way we learn it on leadership. I find the role of Teammate to be extremely powerful.

    I also have either made up, or have been trained in not cross-pollinating. Anything my participants want or need in terms of program or support, should be routed through me. Same for all PC’s and their participants. My opinion is that this really limits modeling Teammate. I can be a teammate to Don in a way that LKT can’t because she plays the roll of Don’s coach. I want to show Don what it means to have a Teammate (the way we hold it in this work).

    I totally misrepresented my reach in my last post. I’m in action around being Teammate to Vicky, Don, Steve, Bree, and Lauren. I’d love to create more, and these have fairly organically come to be.

    Because I live near Bree and Lauren, I’m interacting with them more than the other participants. My interactions with them mimic my interactions with you all, minus any revelations about Next Year, Production, The Leadership Team (in the sense of what we intentionally withhold from participants).

    I hold this part of me, the part that shows up for, and in, Relationship, to be one of my best strengths. And this integration I’ve created (and would like to continue to create) is something I see to own out loud, because I hold it as new. I hold it as not what I was trained in. And I hold it as a unique skill or part of my leadership that I’d like to bring to AC, and to the San Diego Intensive team.

    To be clear, I do believe there’s other cross-pollination that happens on our team, I don’t think every time a participant is in touch with someone other than their PC, that we’re sharing that as a team convo, AND, I’d really like for that to be normal. I think how I’m showing up as Teammate to participants other than my own, is likely a bit different, which is why I felt the need to bring it as a team convo. I really don’t want to dim this part of my Leadership Light, and there may be something I’m missing. I wouldn’t want to be a disservice to our participants, our program, or this work.

    If you see that bringing my Leadership in this way is causing a disservice, please share! I can’t see it myself.

    THANK YOU!!! And Nichole please LMK if you’re still feeling like, “wait, what?”


    Thanks for opening up this discussion, T. I admit that while yesterday after we talked I felt clear and fine, after reading this I’m back to, “Wait, what?”

    What I’m hearing is that as a result of feeling like you couldn’t bring your personality into the program last year, this year you’ve decided to create personal relationships with participants. I’m also hearing it’s only the participants who live near you. And I’m hearing that you’re relating to it the same as when additional support has been set up intentionally for participant to get some extra coaching from other leaders on the team. All of this lands really funky for me.

    You mention that this has had an important impact and that it serves everyone on SDI. Can you share more about what you see with those two statements?


     Tiffany Turner

    Hi All –

    Since moving to Arroyo Grande I’ve becoming neighbors with Bree and Lauren, and like any of my AC neighbors, I’ve started creating relationship with them in a new way.

    After chatting casually with Lauren yesterday and her forum post today, Nichole reached out to me saying she felt a bit confused about who I’m being to Lauren. I realized that I haven’t actually brought this as a team conversation, and I first want to apologize for any confusion or disempowerment I’ve caused on team because of this.

    Until this year, I’ve held Leadership to mean “clean, clear surface.” One of the ways that I’ve interpret and practiced that, has to be as personality-less as possible with participants. Last year I shared very little of myself, and I had so much fear that when speaking or leading with participants, that I would accidentally bring too much of myself and fail at this form of Leadership I’d been holding.

    This year, as I’ve watched Christopher leave our program and Brittany up-level, I’ve been present to the uniqueness in all our leadership. Brittany isn’t CDM, and she never will be, thank god. Her leadership, style, and powers are different from CDMs, and watching her own and grow into the power of them has been absolutely divine. As a result, I’m no longer holding leadership to look one way, as I did the year before.

    When I look at my unique leadership, I see Relationship at the forefront. Moving to a new place where I have the opportunity of new friends, new community, new relationships, it felt normal and natural to establish a new form of relationship with Bree and Lauren. In doing so, I’ve stayed committed to them as a teammate, getting their permission to speak to and relate to them as I would if they were on the leader team with me, and I’ve found these interactions to have an important impact. I certainly don’t want to stop.

    Where I can see that it may not align with our overall team commitment, is that if we’re not really clear and intentional in what kind of relationship we’re creating as a leader team member with a participant, we may accidentally weaken or step over the coach/participant relationship. Until today, I wasn’t present to this.

    I know that Nancy and Ryan have both been beautifully and powerfully supported by other members of our leader team, and I’m SO happy for those moments. I want more of that.

    What I’m left to look at from here, is how to create this experience of One Team across the leaders and participants, because we integrate relationship in a new way as leaders, while also not diminishing or stepping into the role of coach for anyone who is not our direct participant.

    I’d really like to create this because 1) I think it’s powerful and serves every person in SDI, and 2) I’m relating to this as part of my unique leadership that I want to grow and own in a new way.

    From here, my request is that if anyone has something, please share, and if not, know I’ll be back to share a larger vision for how I see that we can create the Both/And here.

    With love,


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