10 months, 2 weeks ago #227561Laura Kline TaylorParticipant
Hey Sabs, what do you need around this conversation? Will you keep playing and generating team?10 months, 3 weeks ago #227093Jeff MillerParticipant
Love this post and all the responses. Sabs, thanks for being willing to do the work and show up regardless of how things might go. This is an awesome quality and please keep bringing you regardless of where you are at in the moment. What I can add, is from. a higher level there is a breakdown in team. And clearly we are seeing this with the participants. For the leadership team, it has a feel of either walking on egg shells or sliming people. Or another analogy we are either stepping really hard on the gas pedal or not enough. I want everyone on this team to know that I love all of you. And I know that you love me. That being said, please bring all of you and what you see. And yes, get complete and bring your being, but even if you don’t IT IS OKAY! I would rather here what Mike has to say or Sabs, even if it isn’t. a squeaky clean being. THIS IS TEAM! Not perfect all the time or saying the right thing. The ability to be in the mess with each other and regardless of how it goes supporting the team in getting what everyone wants in their lives. Additionally, I think all of us (myself super included) can focus on some of the fundamentals like integrating doing and being, completion, and consistently taking things to our coaches.10 months, 3 weeks ago #227012Sabrina PrattParticipant
Thank you so much, everyone! I feel truly heard and seen. I will respond more to forum posts tomorrow but, for now- how about the participant “saying what is” forum thread?! Dang. They’re playing out a very similar drama on that thread as we are noting in this one. It’s so fascinating how we truly are the clearing for our participants, clients and selves.10 months, 3 weeks ago #226916Brittany CottonParticipant
I totally 100% acknowledge you for who are for our team, the program, and yourself. Thanks for doing so much completion work, and for continuing to come back in. We all have contexts, absolutely, and what I am continually present to for you is that your context is that we/team are dangerous. We all have team contexts, my guess is a lot of ours isn’t this. So I do genuinely love and honor what it takes for you to continually put yourself on loudspeaker inside of this experience. It must be down right scary all the time, and you continually do so anyway. I am honestly really excited to break this up with you, as it has you in pain, separate, and at times us you unable to hear/be with us. And I don’t want that for anyone.
I am always amazed at how many more things I see around this work and whats available here. Like the other day when I was talking to Kerry, I had this punch in the face around why there is only 1 rule. This conversation used to drive me UP THE WALL. “Don’t tell me there is only 1 rule, when there are so many rules, and you hand me a sheet of core competences that say exactly how to do something, and then grade me on it”. What hit me the other day was that this structure is designed to create autonomous human beings, who have facility in completing generating their whole life and not being stopped by any “rule” or “construct” society has given us. It is designed to have people learn how to not stop, to design what they want no matter what is currently a reality. Like holy shit y’all how fucking amazing is that. Sometimes I wonder if Christopher knew all of this when he was creating AC, or it just happened. But its brilliant.
My experience of your beautiful post is that while you did the work again and again to get complete, there is something blocking you from seeing what else is here. I get that you got tons of gold, and I love and acknowledge that. AND your first round of 1-5 responses, occur like they exist inside of your incompletion, and are a disguised/hidden way to be defensive. And yes you even pointed to your own spot it you got it, but what I would offer you outside of the gold you have already found is: what is there REALLY to get complete on. Seems like there is still something running your defense.
And I can share from personal experience- on Monday Shawna and I did completion, and it was right after my lunch and learn at the law office, where one woman was such a bitch and totally took me out. So I got complete on her and how it went. And it didn’t hit me till the next day when I was still bugged that that wasn’t actually what I was incomplete about, it was that I had reverted to convincing instead of staying in Enrollment and possibility.
Love you and your stand for our team.10 months, 3 weeks ago #226894Laura Kline TaylorParticipant
Mike, your “so as to not distract from….” may be more of what Britt’s reflecting?
Sabs, YES! A MESS! Keep showing up. This is the way. Thanks for zooming out to look at the contexts playing out on team, in this enrollment and everywhere.
I notice a pattern of “I see what you’re saying or how you could see that, but…..(explanation or clarification)” which I have it is you getting hooked. You shared your relationship to “being called out” is disempowered and I hear that even in the way you address it. Consider Standing for and Being Stood for. Does that offer you something different in how you relate to giving/receiving leadership reflections? And as team looks at who we want to be, I invite us to look at our relationship to Stand in general.
We all reflect what we see through our own contexts. We speak from them, train from them, coach through them receive and give feedback from them. When we are complete – we speak, coach, train, give and receive feedback from a context of Complete.
I read all of your points here as what you see (not wrong, I see some of them too) but I read them through your contexts about teams, organizations, you, and I see an op for more completion.
Thanks for saying you’re scared. Me too. Often.10 months, 3 weeks ago #226861Juliana SihParticipant
Hey Sabs. Thanks for sharing all this and for your reflections. I see where you are pointing for me, Jeff reflected this to me the other day. So I will stand for myself to respond sooner, please continue to call me out if I am “late to the party”.
You unearthed a bunch of awareness and clarified commitments (which I see and am aligned with!). Where do you want to take this conversation from here? What do you need? What do you see for us to take on as team in this area?10 months, 3 weeks ago #226834Aarti MallyaParticipant
Brittany I hear you, I almost all the way agree with you, and I am willing to show up as leader with some rich delicious insights. For me when I read the Sabrina’s first post about Sonik I started tearing, it really touched my heart. I read the rest and my first response was no, I shouldn’t do, and I’m probably the last person on the team in worst financial position that should do this. But who knows it’s all just different numbers for income vs expenses and spending. I then looked at from a higher level. Yes I have high expenses and I spend more money than I should on things I should that most people would say. Like dates with Sophia, vacations, and other things. The thing is I have complete faith that I am going to figuring it all out before I run out of credit card space and can’t pay my car bill. It’s really just another fire under my ass.
Now overall I this as a good cause for Sonik. I see it as a luxury that maybe Sonik shouldn’t spend his money on but a great gift. With exercise, community/team, and coaching. I believe exercise and anything health related is a big part of the foundation of the quality of our life’s and happiness. Then you throw in some coaching and wow what a great deal. For Jonathon I see this is great for him and not crossing dual boundary lines. Jonathon created this, he is working hard and putting in the work. I think it is so awesome what he created. I think if he was going to us and pushing us to donate for all his participants it would be another story. For Sabrina with her big heart, the benefits for Sonik, Jonathon, her self, and to put all the efforts in I say wow this is all really cool, you’ve earned it and there so much here for every so, I’m in.
Brittany you asked, “Do I get that we want more from you, and that only us getting more from you will allow us to support you in all the things you want?” I will take this to my tread by end of weekend as I don’t want to distracted from Sabrina’s thread here.10 months, 3 weeks ago #226811NicholeParticipant
Sabs, thanks for coming back to this and sharing all of that. I really heard it. I think we have so much room to grow as a team and that excites me. Thanks for pointing to so many of those areas here. I was, and am still, so enrolled in you. I think the responses to your enrollment were perfect because they got us to this conversation. This is who you are for team. We can’t see all of our gaps if we don’t practice being with each other in unexpected ways. You bring the unexpected. Keep bringing it. And keep bringing the reflections. I totally see what you’re pointing to for me. Yup!! Ahhh!! Thank you. Keep going!!!!10 months, 3 weeks ago #226776Sabrina PrattParticipant
Oh wow. This entire thread has consumed so much of my brain and heart. I have been over here like, “God, why would you have me take this to my AC team?! WTF. They’re going to make it so hard for me!” And I have been so freaked out to respond. But I can think of literally nothing else right now. I am responding so I can drink some water and go to bed.
It’s so much more difficult to create enrollment with team than for me to create this literally any other way and/or just pay for me and Sonik myself (which is what I did for this week so we could get started). And, at this point, I am un-enrolled in my own enrollment. I’m not giving up, I’m just backing out for a sec. I need a breather.
But, I am so, so happy that I did bring this to our team. It has been all kinds of deeply confronting and painful for me to be with the judgement. Especially around a deep pain point for me. And it is precisely what I need to grow. So, thank you!
I felt so defensive. I had to keep going out, getting complete, coming back in only to get hella taken out again. Oh jeez. What a learning experience for me! And I am here for all of it!!! Even typing this now I am starting to get defensive. So. Phew. Ok. Going back in.
It was already very, very difficult for me to play out loud with team around my money breakthroughs. For me to bring anything that I am not “wildly succeeding” at to the light and to our team is painful. The experience that I had was of being picked apart when I had laid my belly bare to our team and made myself vulnerable around a pain point. I know that was not anyone’s conscious intention and I’m not holding anything on anyone. I’m all clear. That was my experience.
LKT invited me to pan way out and take a look at what team had done with this enrollment. And Nichole invited me to share my reflections with team.
In the process of the last few days I got a very, very clear picture of some of the elements of our team being that I haven’t quite been able to put my finger on.
Here is what I have unearthed:
1. We very quickly get down into the weeds and the muck and the content with each other. We are automatic ‘fixers’ with each other. I noticed many references to me “asking for money when in money breakdown” and actually that is not what I was asking for at all. I was asking for support in the form of accountability. The way that I saw to create this was with a request around money. I knew that if the team was paying for me to do this thing then that would be super powerful accountability that would get me out of bed and working out in the morning because I wouldn’t want to waste your money or not do what I said I would do when you all are paying. The potential opportunity in this enrollment appeared to be overlooked in lieu of the team focusing on addressing content, or the triggers around the content and the request.
2. We are controlling and managing our control and manage habits. It’s no secret that our team (and all people ever…but especially our team) is all about some control and manage. We ALL do it. Whether your version is to hide and avoid (Mike, JuSih) or to use lots of words that are complicated (Charlie, LKT) or to be performance-obnoxious and then pretend it’s someone else’s problem (me)…etc. etc. I see this showing up below in tossing aside my request for support and offering other solutions. Or, perhaps, other fixes. Like, “I have the money but no- what about ____ instead” and it lands like my request is not heard and not ‘good enough.’ When we ask each other, “How can I support you?” and then we receive an answer it’s weird to be like, “Actually, no, I’m not going to do that, what about if we did this to fix your problem?” Like, we aren’t in the game of fixing problems. That’s not what we are committed to, right?
3. We are freaking each other out. There is this entire team being of “scared to move for fear of doing it wrong and getting called out” that has us all playing so small, quiet and hiding things from each other.
I notice this with myself with our team and I generally have zero fear of putting myself 100% out there for all the dang world to see. I am terrified to play out loud here because I don’t want to get ripped down further.
If we as a team choose to have things go differently then I see two choices available to us: we can choose how we are going to be about ‘getting called out’ and we can choose how we are going to be about ‘calling each other out.’ I notice our team playing a lot of “I Spy” with eachother and then leaving it at that and that’s just not going to get us all where we want to go. Yes, you see lots and please do reflect and call people forth AND we have to support each other when it gets messy. And sometimes that means with some love and compassion. Some room for our own humanity.
4. We are judging ourselves and each other quite a bit and playing a lot of me vs. them and it’s being reflected in our participant team! I already had this typed up in drafts and then today Lauren Steely said, “I’m totally playing me vs. them with my team and everywhere.” And I was like, “eep. time to finish that draft and post to the forum.” We absolutely have to play together to be stronger and better ourselves, to get everything we want and to be the clearing for our participants. Totally enough of this, “Go over there until you can get yourself together and smile and look pretty then come back to the table with the rest of us nonsense.” Like, enough. of. that.
I got defensive and super taken out, repeatedly reading what people wrote back. I notice that our team will pick and choose from the few details they know about a situation, circumstances, person and then make up a whole story that supports what they already believe to be true about others and the world.
I wanted to say things like, “T, it was Pop Eyes, not Taco Bell. And you think $10 Popeyes for dinner at 7pm after coming back from a horrific trip to LA is a misuse of money?! I wonder what you would say about the hundreds of dollars that I gave my friend for her kids to buy groceries with because she’s living at the hospital with her husband who was in a horrible accident and has been in a medical induced coma for weeks?!” I wanted to defend myself all over the place. I wanted to offer a ton of story and circumstance but the truth is, I don’t have to. I absolutely don’t. I’m not down for that in my life and I am playing for something bigger. I know we all are.
I see room for us to play outside of judgement. I know we are committed to a greater game.
5. We tend to hide our power behind “this is my stuff BUT ____” If it’s your stuff then get supported, get complete, get clear and don’t smear it on others. If it’s something powerful you are bringing to team then bring it from love- with rigor and relationship. *I can follow my own direction here. I get it.
Here’s what I am learning about myself and reaffirming of my commitments:
1. All of the above is very true for me. I spot it so I got it! I am committed to continuing to play out loud. It’s legit terrifying for me. I want to quit on the regular. I want to hide all the time. Right now I am so exhausted from a full day and teaching all night and I just want to go to sleep but I can’t, yet. I gotta stay with this. I want to be unbeatable. I want to be a powerful badass leader like my soul knows that I am. I am committed to continuing to play out loud and so powerfully!!!
2. I bring my SM to our team consistently. I am scared of our team. I am completely terrified of being called out, made wrong, embarrassed. The second module when T and I were publicly having our breakdown in front of everyone was one of the most traumatic things I have ever gone through. No. Joke. My therapist said I have some kind of PTSD response to “they’re all going to come for me” triggers. I have some kind of serious fear tied up with this team. Nichole even reflected to me that I bring SM to my writing. I’m like, “what is happening?!” I don’t do this everywhere in my life so why here?! What is going on?! Please don’t give up on me. I want to push through and get to the other side!!!
3. I tend to shield myself with/hide behind ‘powerful reflections’ haha- so take all of this with a grain of salt.
And now- direct responses to some of what you brought:
I have no doubt that these are partially from my SM and stink of me being defensive. Nonetheless! here I go!
Britt, I can see how it may land like I only care about my own stuff but I don’t see it that way. I see me as being at cause for the things I own and bring. I do reply to other things on the forum. If people want to use my bear strength advocacy to work for the things they are bringing then, I guess, get me on board with what you got. I’m not willing to soften up my own advocacy and power. If you see something specific to bring to me then I am so happy to hear it. Right now this lands as a complaint disguised as training.
Nichole, I am very present to the fixiness and the judgment in your message. I am present to incompletions of your own around money, paying for others, people not being responsible for their own lives/business, etc.
T., I see that you often disregard one person’s direct request to cook up your own way of solving the thing. And I see that you have done that here with me. This leaves me feeling like I am not heard, made small and dismissed. Your judgment of me based on very limited intel leaves me feeling very small.
JuSih, You are a tad late to the party and then your message is just a repeat of what others have already said. So, your message actually lands like, “I’m with them, which is not with you.” And it left me feeling really sad and on the outside.
***I know there is so, so, so much more and I want to bring more but also, it’s already Wednesday and I just needed to press submit on this to get it out there.
I love you all and I am so grateful that I get to play on this team with you.
All my heart;
Sabrina10 months, 3 weeks ago #226361Juliana SihParticipant
Hey Sabs! Thanks for this juicy enrollment and out of your comfort zone request from team.
You are so much love, everywhere. I picture you as a fairy, sprinkling joy and tender care. You are generosity, heart and power. And I have it that’s what we love about you.
I echo what others have said. I have the money, happy to support you and Sonik, but I don’t see the breakthrough. I don’t get the money conversation for you. I’m confused because one day you are requesting money, the next day you are going to Tahoe or spending money on marketing. Maybe I am missing something. But it doesn’t add up :p (ha, get it!)
Looking forward to hearing more.
- This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by Juliana Sih.
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