11 months, 2 weeks ago #219561
How’s Noah?11 months, 4 weeks ago #213420Aarti MallyaParticipant
Yes I did Nichole and thanks for sharing it all. There is so much all around this for everyone.
For pictures of Jeff and the gang and more yes please.12 months ago #213250
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing what you see for Noah. I talked to him about talking to someone who could be a potential mentor for him. At first he was annoyed. I think he took it as something is wrong with him. But then he warmed up to the idea. I am going to talk to him more about it and see what feels good for him. I’ll mention Alex and Jeff, and also T (she and I had a separate convo that I brought to him).
Jeff, I love your story and how you went from that to who you are now. That shows a dynamic to your personality that I haven’t seen before. More, please!! I think we need pictures, too. What do y’all say?? 😉
Britt, I forgot about the nerdy rebel! I mean, I know that, but I wasn’t thinking about it in this instance. It’s so hard for me to relate because I was the opposite. I was such a goodie two shoes my entire upbringing, through my teen years. It wasn’t until I turned 21 that I started to express any kind of freedom outside of the rules I had lived by. And even then it was pretty mild. Teach me the ways of the rebellious!12 months ago #213059Jeff MillerParticipant
Thanks for sharing this Nichole. Teenage years were a bit strange for me. At 14, my freshman year in high school I joined a gang, smoked and drank, played two sports and did horrible in school. I also got caught by my Mom stealing something from the grocery store. She made me spend a night in Jail (she had a friend who was a police officer). It scared the crap out of me! And for me, it was a simple choice. Live that life with legit consequences or live my dream as a pro athlete. At the time it was a pro basketball player but eventually it became tennis. Sports and girls were pretty much the only thing that kept me in school and I eventually worked my way to getting a scholarship my junior year for college. In my opinion, kids these days have so much pressure from outside influences and it is not easy. Even with my kids being little there are outside influences.
You are an awesome Mom and I know that things will turn around for Noah. I am not as “cool” as Alex, but I would always be happy to connect with Noah. Or also share parenting theories and experiences. I actually plan on writing a parenting book when my kids are in college. I am a big believer in connecting kids with their passion and using that to connect them to what is possible. For me it was sports. For Noah it could be music? Whatever it is, using that thing can reframe his Why in doing his best at whatever he does. Hope that helps a little.12 months ago #212925Brittany CottonParticipant
Man, I just have so much respect for all of the parents on this team… and in the WORLD.
I was like this, I had so much potential and had such an issue with authority and people wanting something from me, when I saw something different. (Reminder, Nerdy Rebel is one of my SM names).
I feel so much for you and Noah.
I agree with what T put in. I wonder if you could find a mentor, an older gentleman who plays guitar or something Noah is into, that he could hear differently and be supported by. I have no idea if he would be interested in talking to me, but I went though something really similar in high school, so maybe we could create a connection around it. OH WAIT. What about Alex??? I know you don’t know him that well, but I think young teens think he’s cool haha so maybe?
The other offering I have is to speak to Noah about this the same way you are speaking to us about it. Give me a chance to be the adult he is turning into, and see what he wants to create? Or you could do the thing people do in movies where they show kids the possibility of what happens when they don’t do good in school… is that a parenting concept?
Either way I feel for you!!! <312 months ago #212918
His dad has always put a ton of pressure on him. MUST GO TO COLLEGE. Repeat, repeat. He has shared that his dad and I are totally opposite in how we parent him and how we run our homes. It’s a pendulum swing.12 months ago #212916
J, reading that had me realize how disconnected I am from my teenage self. Everything I remember from my teen years is cataloged as “great” or “such an important part of my path.” I got so connected to 14 year old you in that. And if I was your friend, we’d have been sneaking out of the house to hang out with boys and pretend we were smoking weed when we were actually too scared to inhale.12 months ago #212905Juliana SihParticipant
This reminds me of my brother, who is a freshman in college. Everyone kept telling him he was so smart, genius and hated hearing that. He just didn’t believe it. For my brother, I think all those people saying that put a lot of pressure on him to figure things out, be a certain way, or let people down. There might be something in just giving him some space and letting him do his thing. My brother just started seeing a therapist, which has been good for him to just talk, knowing that its in a container.
I remember those years for myself, they were rough, all I wanted was a boy crush and to hang out with my friends, not people telling me how smart I was and what I should be doing with my life. Being smart meant I had to study more, be tied to books or take more classes.
Not sure if you are getting anything from this but just wanted to share. <312 months ago #212898
I love the idea of a mentor who is not in the immediate family. My mom is someone who he trusts and connects with and has conversations that he doesn’t have with me. But I think she’s so much like me in the rules department, especially (and even more so) around school, that it wouldn’t make the impact he needs for motivation. One of the things I looked in for him was an educational coach, and he didn’t want to do it. But he might enjoy the mentor route. Where’s Bill Gates when you need him? I think he would be a great mentor for Noah.
I don’t even know what my rules are. I think my overwhelm has creeped into my parenting. And he knows it.
Keva is so easy. *sigh*12 months ago #212894
Man, I read this and got straight on the roller coaster.
Something that I’ve noticed about my friends and clients who have kids in rebellious/challenging stages, is that often there is a person/some people who can really connect with the kid. And through the adult (a cousin, aunt, uncle, family friend) that can connect with the kid, vulnerable and honest conversations, and genuine connection is present that isn’t always between parent/child. I’ve watched these guardian angels in adolescents lives be huge access points to the kids.
Is there a person in the family that Noah’s close/comfortable with? Would he be willing to participate in Big Brothers Big Sisters? Is there someone who you, as mom, think he’d connect well with?
If I were relating to Noah as a fully brain-formed-adult, I’d be curious what he’s avoiding. ,
For you, I’m curious if you can see anything about how you do rules, and how Noah’s doing rules.
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