7 months, 3 weeks ago #255702
I would like you to share more about how my Sm seduces people to give up on me. before I can answer the next two questions.
what I see missing for me is in the doing and actions department. I am confident I can get back to being. And I see I can play out loud way more as a practice. I hide. Is that what you are seeing T?
the relationship building I’m looking for is in the communication not the doing. Come to find out. Again.7 months, 3 weeks ago #255654Tiffany TurnerParticipant
Charlie I’m sorry I didn’t respond on this thread to share that I’d read your post. Thank you for sharing what you’ve created for yourself this year.
In your most recent post, I hear a lot of promises, and my experience is that you’re not reliable to you word. So I don’t know what to do with your promises or agreements. I want to give you trust, I want to give you the patience you ask for, and I want you to be on the team. I also don’t see how meeting you where you’re at will change the cycle. I’m starting to see more clearly how your SM seduces people into giving up on you. What would transform that? Where do you need team to stand for you to create it?7 months, 3 weeks ago #255559
I will start with saying thank you to everyone for your patience with me. I have been skating by in the background more over the last couple of months. It was not a surprise to hear T relate to me as unreliable. I have been. I remember Brittany texting something to the effect of, but you said you would do it, about the files from last module.
I was so overwhelmed and barely hanging on from all that I had committed to at work. I feel like I have let everyone down time and time again. I have been playing at a lower level than I am capable of. I am commuting to never going back to that place. I am commuting to playing out loud. I see the consequences of not.
I am committed to playing a consistent client game. Not just during modules any more.
I am committed to reg and practicing enrollment and fulfilling on Nicole’s declaration of me registering people into this program. I need support and I am going to be a demand for it.
I see a reality beyond my circumstances of time and capacity. I see I am creating it all for myself. I am committed to playing a more joyful game of life and setting down the struggle, the pain.
playing on this team with you all will take something new from me. A commitment of generating the time and being necessary to be reliable. To play out loud. To own my circumstances. To own my breakdowns. To be a coach. To have a coaching business. To be a program coach who has three clients.
I see what is possible in loving myself more and in doing so accessing love for the people around me. Owning my experience as real complete worthy valid. In service of meeting others were they are at regardless. A be with that has me at peace.
I don’t know if that is want everyone needs to hear from me. Will you share what you hear and what you need from me, again. And again. And again. I really need you all to not give up on me.8 months, 1 week ago #252620
Your stand for me is priceless!!! There are no words to describe how powerful you are and the net sum impact you have had on me. I am honored that you would take your time and capacity to talk about me. 🙂 I love you too.
This year I have created a level of be with and resilience that, while seems normal now, is lightyears beyond where I was at even just a few months ago. I see “the work” I have done as simply practicing how I relate, noticing my stops, falling on my face, licking my wounds, taking another step. I see it ALL starts in me. how I treat myself is how I show up with others. Come to find out, I have been relentlessly judging myself. And now I am able to create something new and different more than I have historically. While there is lots of room for forgiveness, gratitude, joy and FUN, I have made massive gains in;
- Generating relationship with myself (Julianna, you have modeled this simply and beautifully)
- Seeing my value beyond the transactional method of surviving I was used to. (Thank you Sabrina, you have gifted me with this. I am forever in your debt…. J/K LOL.)
- Doing less to have more (Brittany, you are a cornucopia of brilliance, I keep coming back to the quote you shared with mike and I)
- letting go of the resistance to practice and structures, well letting go of a lot of that resistance (Jeff, Man without your foundational modeling of reliability I could not see my potential for the same. I still think you have a bizzaro twin you have cloned in order to have it all. lol.)
- Trusting myself and therefore others. ( Nichole, to have witnessed you allow for and create the support and well being you generate has opened the door for me to see it all as possible)
- I have generated such deep levels of compassion and love for myself I had no Idea were even a thing. I can hold something as normal and forgive myself. something I didn’t have the slightest idea around until fully experiencing it. (Laura, to see you soften and open to all the joys and gifts life has given you has been a miracle for me, Thank you for relationship and partnership from genuine authenticity).
- I can own the truth of me as LOVE. I can set down the defended self, protective barrier to love and see to the core of me as a both/and. I can see that not only have I failed, I have succeeded. Not only have I hurt, I have been in joy and happiness. Not only have I criticized, I have supported. to set down the resistance is to find peace. ( Kerry, there are moments where everyone else in the room disappears and the wisdom of your love cracks me open to this truth)
What are the consequences of these breakthroughs, you ask.
- Julie and I talk. Undefended. We sat on the phone crying our wounded little hearts out a few months back, vulnerably, authentically. We spend time WITH Lillian. I go to her house and hang out for horse riding. I rode Julies horse. I fixed her trailer up so she can take the horses to competitions safely. Lillian is owning her power. She has the emotional IQ of a genius. she sees so much and feels so much. She can articulate how it is for her. She loves courageously. I allow for them. I set down the resistance and the pain almost every day. I talk with Julies boyfriend Chris. He is a “nice guy” like I used to be. I see I didn’t loose anything and I get to make it whatever I want it to be with Lillians mom. And I am making it Family regardless.
- I am in process of loving myself to a point that I can open my heart to another woman. To see beyond my “flaws” in order to see beyond hers. I know what relationship and partnership are, what willingness to grow looks like and I am not going to get stuck in a cycle of hiding and waiting again. I know how to generate relationship and I am. There is a lucky lady out there who will have me seeing how lucky I am.
- I bought a new house with a RAD view and a hot tub.
- I sold a property last year through generating relationship and partnership with my partner AND the buyer. I gave the buyer a loan and he paid it off in January this year. Massive letting go of my resistance setting down the pain and getting to a win win win literally 3x. for the first time ever I had a bank balance with a second comma. That was a huge milestone for me.
- I just sold another property through relationship and partnership. We closed a few days ago. I truly made it happen. the broker was following my lead. I was doing most of the talking and negotiating all the way to the last day before escrow closed when the buyer wanted a $9,500 concession because there were two concrete slabs they didn’t see during the due diligence period. I made it happen without spending any money. I asked a friend to use his excavator and traded dump fees for an air compressor and utilities.
- I rented a new property and moved all but two of my tenants to make the deal go. I have first right of refusal to buy that new property incorporated into the lease. Again I led the way in the negotiations.
- I am in escrow on a mixed use appartment/ mobile home park in Julian. Covid 19 financing is slim pickings and I have private money at 6% no points lined up to close the deal after standard financing was a stop.
- I have a 1031 tax differed exchange pending with a 2M down payment in the trust account for a 100 to 150 unit mobile home park.
- I am setting myself up to have teams of people doing the doing at work so I can have freedom of time. I am half way there right now.
- I got a new truck a couple months ago. its four wheel drive. Im stoked!!!
- I have generated win win’s with a ton of tenants from open heart and patient communication when I needed everyone to move and when there have been breakdowns. I only lost one tenant from covid and the rest are all paying.
- I created a mastermind group with 3 of my close entrepreneur friends. we are all taking big leaps that wouldn’t have otherwise been made or as easily been made.
- Mike and I have a coaching group that is generating a lot of growth.
- Charley Boy got groomed a few days ago!! that is the biggest win of all of them. And I got a hair cut 🙂
- I created the first annual FORM FAMILY (family overwhelm reset moving forward and making it lovely Y’all) last week we completed. all the kiddos aunties and uncles got certificates and Uncle charlies prize money for every day they were off electronics, social media and any media sources. I made the full 7 days.
- Lillian and I have been going on lots of neighborhood bike rides. huge win!!! when she was 4 I let her loose on training wheels for the first time and she made a hard left. you can imagine the road rash that became of it. since then she has been reluctant to ride. she just learned a year or so ago and now she is LOVING riding bikes. We were 7 deep through the neighborhood two days ago, spoke lights on. It looked like the circus.
- My conversations with everyone have become more bold, genuine and authentic.
From the hinge point of divorce, my intention has been to take on my internal development. I have this context that is still not bankrupt around me over here and all of you over there. leadership training over here and all you coaches in training over there. Us vs. them, or more specifically me vs. them. Safety of my familiar, do it all on my own and limit my exposure to criticism vs. genuine authentic connection, leaning on my tribe to support me. Fear vs. courage. Worthy vs. unworthy. Failure vs. Success. Love vs. Hate.
I am so tired of being at affect of this old way of being at affect to my circumstances. I am doing and being better than I ever have. from here I see the opportunity to own my experience. It’s what is real for me. To step into courage and share openly where I am at and be a demand of myself to be a demand for support. No one is going to live my life for me. No one is going to create what I want for me. I am 100% responsible for my outcomes regardless. I see the opportunity to live that statement. Not to just understand it logically and literally but to fully integrate responsibility from commitment and integrity and open heart.
I need structures and accountability with some added structure and accountability and a following up of structures and accountability. I need a solid cattle prodding and I need to be at cause to create it. I need to create an empowered relationship with coaching. I am vacillating daily around resigning from AC and I have been from the first time I was asked to declare for client game and I was like 1 PB.
I will step into my courage and call you all in service of being at cause to shift the fear of us vs.them / me vs. you.
I will step into the doing of the work and generate from trust and power and responsibility and commitment and integrity and joy and fun.
Joy and Fun will be my next breakthrough. Man I am tired of it being so heavy in my heart. no more dark cloud of victimhood at affect lingering inside me.
thank you T for the open door. Thank you all for the gifts that each of you are.8 months, 1 week ago #252598Tiffany TurnerParticipant
Charlie, I have to admit something to you. I’ve been talking about you, without you (IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU!!!). None of it is intended to be a secret, I just notice I feel unsure what would make the difference for you, and so I find myself chatting with other peeps on the team in attempt to distinguish: What would really have it go different for this guy?
I think it’s time for an NSNK stand. Your Being and Presence are non-negotiable at modules, just looking at you fills the whole room up with goodness. Then, when we’re not at module, it kinda feels like you’re not even on our team.
If you’re willing to share, I’d love to hear what you see you’ve created this year. What are your wins? What are your breakthroughs?
Will you also share what you see for how it goes next year? From what I know and have experienced with you this year, doing another year of AC from the same place you did this prior year, doesn’t work. Would you share if you see something different?
I want more of you. More of you on team calls, more of you on forum, more of you calling or texting me, just more everywhere. Because your being fills people up, and I always want more of that.
What opportunities are there for next year to go different? What would we need to create between now and grad weekend to generate the breakthrough(s)? What do you need from team in terms of support to create those possibilities as reality?
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